first of all i should preface this by saying i had no intention of doing a summary on this show. i couldn’t sleep and needed a good laugh so turned it on and sure enough it was as hilarious as i was expecting. i can’t even believe i’m admitting to watching this but the entertainment value is so freaking high and the best quotes need to be shared. i won’t, however, give the full commentary i could because i’d be here typing forever and most of these don’t even need commentary. i couldn’t make some of this stuff up if i tried (as a note, everyone is called girl because it’s bad enough i watch this show, i can’t be bothered to learn their names as well):

“i’m for jesus christ. yeah, he wants me to help the world. and i will do whatever he wants me to do” (sobbing at the time)

a girl in the crowd says “how many of you have taken a vow of celibacy?” … one girl in particular raises her hand to affirm that she had and the camera moves over to her and she says “um … i haven’t had sex for two years. you know you’re supposed to have that burning sensation for your lord jesus instead of another man.”

“growing up … can’t lie i had a pretty hard life. it wasn’t exactly the easiest life i’ve ever lived.”

“they’re hating on me but i’m still going to be, like, who i am and i’m only improving. i’m only getting stronger in the lord. i’m only getting, like, loving-er. and i’m only going to help more people.”

girl: *walks towards tyra quite awkwardly.*
tyra: what was that?
girl: my cat walk. meeeeeeeeeeeow.
… conversation transpires …
tyra: okay, so that’s your grandmother’s hat?
girl: yes, i’m a christian and i know jesus christ is real. i feel so good about talking about it i can just be like *starts singing* jesus you are my best friend *end singing*.
tyra: you feed the homeless?
girl: i do feed the homeless on friday nights. we’ll rap or we’ll sing or we’ll dance.
tyra: how do you dance for the homeless?
girl: *starts doing a big ol’ booty dance while beginning to sing* tyra i saw you shake your booty. shake that thing. shake that thing.
tyra: *complete look of disgust on her face*
girl: i used to be a crazy girl and that didn’t bring me happiness.

“this necklace here is my lucky necklace. *pulls on necklace* it has an eyeball. i love eyeballs because i was born with a bloody eyeball. i believe it’s this one. *points to right eye* but yeah, so my nickname when i was young was ‘bloody eyeball’”

“i bring a large rusty wheelbarrow to school instead of a backpack, and people think i’m weird for that.”

i will just spare you the whole explanation of how to castrate a cow. i shrieked the whole time this girl was explaining the process and i don’t think i could sit here and transcribe it.

“winning this competition will like literally complete my life” [girl talking is 18]

“i guess i don’t have what it takes. so i don’t know what i’m going to do. i’ll go home and continue what i was doing before, which was nothing.”

jay says “so you all have seen a runway show before right? you see what models do at the end of the runway?” girl goes “actually i haven’t”. jay asks “so why do you want to be a model again?” the girl then responds “for jesus”. jay replies “jesus said he wanted you to be a model?” girl responds “so i can help people, yes.” at this point i’m getting scared that this crazy chick might be the first one sent home, thus ending my weekly dose of doesn’t-know-what-she’s-saying-super-crazy. OMG and sure enough she disappears mysteriously from the show. [the rapture, anyone? (i'm going to be completely honest, i couldn't remember what it was called so i had to google "bible people disappear" to jog my memory].

girl asks other girl “why don’t you talk a lot?” girl responds “i don’t know. like, i get in my head a lot and i just like stop like noticing what’s going on around me and i’m just thinking about stuff. i don’t know.”